Tag Archives: Jessica

‘Love in the Wild’ Episode 2 Recap: A Match Made in Jungle Heaven.

Note: For some reason, you can’t get pictures off of NBC’s site. So I apologize in advance for the lame pics. 

So summer TV has been pretty bleak for me this week. I literally had nothing to watch until Wednesday at 10 pm, at which point I had everything to watch: Love in the Wild, The Challenge: Rivals AND Toddlers & Tiaras. What is a girl to do?

I’ve decided to go with the network fare first, so Love in the Wild it is. I’m also quite happy that I will be heading home to a full DVR and not re-runs of Flipping Out and Million Dollar Decorators (or whatever else Bravo is showing these days).

The adventure begins with a derigeur montage. Let me start by saying that a montage narrated by an Aussie is much better than a standard montage. Also a montage with hot tub scenes from the first episode is always a good sign. Although, I will say from the start that this week’s episode left me with a ‘meh’ feeling. I’m glad last week’s episode was a bit better but I am hopeful that Love in the Wild can hit its stride once the number of contestants goes down a little bit.

Nine Couples remain. Let’s get wild.

Ben - is that you?

Since almost everyone switched partners last week, the episode kicks off with the awkward moving out scenes. The bimbos pack up their halter tops and dudes wad up their tight tees and head on over to their new rooms. During the switch, Ben pretty much sums up his life by saying, “Some girls would say I’m the nicest guy ever. Some girls would say I’m the biggest dick they’ve ever met.” Agreed Ben. What I want to know is the ratio of nice guy: dick. I am going to say 90:10. He kind of reminds me of a grown-up Bobby from “Bobby’s World” the seminal 90’s cartoon voiced by reality-tv judge Howie Mandel. This resemblance creeps me out and any part of me that was going to give him a chance, is now too scared to comment.

A lot of these couples have barely spoken, so what better way to get to know someone than to share a be with them on the first night. I believe in college this is called a night at the bars.

Fun things we learn during the move – the black guy turned out to the be the surfer dude. I totally had the Geico caveman pegged as the surfer but once Jason said he was “stoked” about sharing his room with Erica, he locked that up. I’m also pretty sure that Erica may be a little crazy and that Vanessa is, for sure, A LOT crazy.

This is confirmed when she says, “I think Steele and I are the best matched couple. He’s tall dark and handsome and I look like a cross between a fat cat and an old Eva Longoria.” Okay, so maybe she didn’t say that last part but the majority of that is straight from the cat’s mouth.  She takes it over the line when she tells us that she wants two boys and a girl (in that order, in case you were wondering)  and it would be great to have that with someone like Steele. COOO KOOO.

Now on the important stuff, hanging in the hot tub. As desperation steams off the jacuzzi, Steele discovers why the season fall is so named. This bit of knowledge he drops on Kym clearly knocks her socks (or top – but that’s later) off.  Her clear amazement gives us a look into how dumb she actually is. I’m just hoping (for their sake) that the hot water is messing with their brains (Wishful thinking, I know). How this guy is a professional anything amazes and frightens me at the same time.

Adventure Time. Bridge Maze.

Me Caveman. Me Likey.

I’m going to take a quick break from mocking to tell you all how much I adore this host. Darren is no-nonsense. He lets the contestants know that if they fall to their deaths in the bridge maze (is this a real possibility?) that they can die as a couple. This is because they will be tied together. See this is the kind of honesty I’ve been looking for in reality TV (also the kind of treatment I’ve been expecting for the contestants. Wait what? They won’t fall to their death. aw hell.)

Basically, I think the producers just think of ways to get these couples to annoy the shit out of each other. Here’s an idea. Let’s tether them together and make them climb all kinds of crazy high bridges and then let’s make it a maze and not give them maps. And finally…. we’ll make them race! I can just see them all sitting around a table nodding proudly in agreement.

If the couple can accomplish all of this without gouging their partner’s eyes out, they get to spend a night in the fantasy suite (or whatever they call it on this show).

This whole adventure kind of bored me. So here is a bulleted re-cap:

  • Team Kym/Adam are seriously made for this show. He has a giraffe neck and she has monkey ears. They are a perfect pair.
  • Jason and Erica are NOT a perfect pair. He is polite, friendly and mildly normal. She is bossy, easily annoyed and bitchy. Woof.
  • Brandee is Peyton from Bachelor Pad’s long-lost sister.
  • Ben sucks.
  • Derek is a big scaredy cat (and screams like a little girl) and Jessica is a sassy, nonsense broad. I like her.
  • Vanessa continues her quest to be the craziest cat lady on reality tv. She also compares Steele to Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde. Yup, she for real said that.
  • Vanessa and Steele are no longer in love (in Vanessa’s imaginative mind). Their 2 day long love-story is officially over.
  • Skip is tight and cool. Mostly because he knows he is all brawn and no brains (his words not mine). I appreciate his honesty.
  • Peter is 100% Geico Caveman.
  • Kym should not wear her hair in a ponytail. Ever.

Bats & Bimbos

So the jungle bunnies Kym and Kyle win the race. The rest of the jokesters fall in line somewhere behind them with Vanessa and Steele bringing up the rear.

Kym and Kyle head off to the fantasy suite while the rest of the group heads back to camp.  At the fantasy suite, Kym and Kyle decide to dress up for dinner which translates to slut as “so you’re saying there’s a chance.”

At dinner these two find out they have absolutely nothing in common. She likes dogs (I still contend that yorkies should really count as dogs) while Kyle, surprisingly likes cats. He wants kids, she’s not having any rugrats. Actually, she says she doubts she’ll ever be mature enough for them. I wholeheartedly agree. Don’t do it Kym. We don’t need any more reality tv peeps procreating. Teen Mom, Toddlers & Tiaras and The Duggars are taking care of that for us.

While Kyle finds all of their differences appealing (translation: are we hooking up tonight or what?), Kym is not having it (translation: no way jose).

Back at the ranch. Erica continues to hate Jason. Derek and Jessica smooch in the hammock. And Steele and Vanessa decide they officially hate each other. All the while, Ben continues to annoy everyone including Brandee  aka his only hope. On the brighter side, Miles impresses Heather with a jungle picnic where we learn that Miles is an experienced slap the bag player (isn’t that what it means when you say you like boxed wine?).

After sobbing about how she “deserves” love (why do all people on dating shows say that?), Vanessa decides to get her cat face under control and find some men to dig her claws into (sorry for all the cat puns, i can’t help it). She finds Peter and the two if them decide that they are the least attractive people on the show and therefore, should pair up. This strategy is a good one and worked for that wonky eyed weirdo on Paradise Hotel 2 a few years back. This might be the best thing these two have done so far.

The And once again, LITW is picking up where the Bachelorette disappoints. They are going on helicopter ride!

Returning to the fantasy suite, our jungle duo pack up to prepare for their helicopter ride. THANK YOU LOVE IN THE WILD. I was seriously going through helicopter ride withdrawal. In her quest to totally ruin The Bachelorette, it appears Ashley H. has eliminated helicopter dates. What a bia.

Kym continues dropping truth by pointing out that Costa Rica is nothing like Boston. Ya think? What was it  – the mountains? The lush green landscapes? The JUNGLE?

Rather than make this a nice date, Kym decides to make s**t as awkward as possible and tells chin strap that she will not be in feed of his services anymore and that she would rather settle with the guy names after a building material.

Did anyone else notice how big of a bia Kym was on this whole date? She was rolling her eyes every other second and making that dumb face 14-year-old girls make when their mom embarrasses them. If I was Kyle, I would have been like – “hey monkey ears. I did you a favor and I won’t forget this snub when you are wasting away in the single line at elimination.” Instead, he acts dumb and tells her he would team up with her again. So yeah, it’s awkward.

Is this too tight?

Elimination Time aka The Swap Meet.

Girl gets to choose first this time around. Remember that Kym and Kyle can pick whoever they like and that person cannot say no. Everyone else is a crap shoot.

Kym’s up. She decides to swing on over to Steele. So we ‘ve got another jungle duo. A  little monkey-eared Kym and the big gorilla Steele. A match made in marsupial heaven.

Kyle picks Heather much to her chagrin. She was loving her some Miles.

Jess (who both looks and dresses cute) picks Derek (duh, they’ve been smooching in the hammock the last 24 hours).

This leaves Peter alone, so rather than go with the plan and pick old Eva. He bails on her and “goes with his heart” by asking Erica. Erica disses him and says no thanks Geico man, I’m taking my insurance to State Farm. So off to the loser line he goes.

Next up, Ben and Brandee. These two decide to “stick it out” for another episode. I’m thinking these two may have a shot to go all the way (not that way). I just hope Ben doesn’t annoy me too much along the way.

Teresa and Skip are up. I like these two. They are sweet and harmless or as they put it all brawn/beauty and no brains. They decide to stay together which I hope means they’ll get more screen time next episode.

The honeymooners Samantha and Mike decide to get married stick together. This means we’ll be seeing more of their home  videos. Woof.

Erica and Jason are up to bat and you know these two are splitting up. Erica picks Miles and he agrees to give it a go.

The final decision comes down to Jason. If the girl he picks accepts, then Peter and the remaining chick have to pack their bags. If the girl he picks doesn’t choose him, then he could be gone.

He goes with Jessica (who I love) and she accepts which means Peter and Vanessa are going home. Nice move, Peter. Way to let your heart get you sent home. Don’t be confused though, I am totally happy about this. I could barely stand to look at these two anymore. Bracelets off. Syonara suckers.

So, like I said before, I wasn’t too thrilled with this episode. It wasn’t boring, it just lacked oomph. I think next week will be better when there are fewer couples. Let’s stick with it friends – I think we could have a good one on our hands.

So, I wasnt thrilled with this episode but I think now that we;re getting fewer couples it will get better. Stick with this friends. I think we’ve got a good one on our hands (the previews for next week showed a lot of people kissing in hot tub so I know the SE factor will be high).

What do you think of this show? Who are your favorites? Or more importantly, who makes your skin crawl?

The Challenge is up next. Until then… stay tuned.

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Filed under Love in the Wild

Love in the Wild aka Paradise Hotel with Adventures

I thought it was about time to dedicate myself to another reality TV train wreck  dating show, so when I saw the previews for  ‘Love in the Wild’ I knew that I had to give this one a go. I was not disappointed. Beyond that, I absolutely loved it. It  has everything that this season of The Bachelorette is lacking – mostly people who, while vapid and self-centered, are not as boring as folding clothes (sorry, that was insulting to clothes everywhere).

'Love in the Wild" Yes please.

‘Love in the Wild’ is essentially an exact copy of Paradise Hotel which if you read this blog regularly, you know will go down as my favorite reality show of all time. On Paradise Hotel people were forced to couple up and then each week someone would leave the show and they would bring someone new in. They were also forced to share a room which allowed for more hook-ups, back-stabbing and gratuitous ab shots.

Love in the Wild is very similar. So there are 10 dudes and 10 chicks – all relatively attractive (with some Monets mixed in) with the exception of a caveman and a girl who appears to be on the fast track to looking like this (I’m looking at you Vanessa. Slow down on the plastic surgery). They have to pair up and complete adventures (I like how they, rightly so,  classify open-mouthed kissing as an adventure). The winning couple is spared elimination while the remaining pairs can re-pick partners until there are an odd man and woman out. Between the adventure and the elimination, the contestants get liquored up, hang out at the pool and have to share a room. Love it. Also, the winning couple gets to go spend the night at a fantasy suite (for lack of a better term) complete with hot tub.

Basically it took the best parts of Paradise Hotel, The Amazing Race, Bachelor Pad and added a splash of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Then they moved the show to Costa Rica. And to top it off, they also picked an awesome (so far) Australian host who makes fun of them and forces the contestants to hug. All it took was 5 minutes and I was hooked.

Because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to commit to Love in the Wild (’til death do us part is a long time, like 13 episodes), I didn’t watch this episode with my computer in tow to take notes (Yes, I am that nerdy. I’ve accepted it. So should you.). So here are some of my favorite highlights.

The preview montage pretty much had everything I was looking for in a reality show. This was a good example of a necessary and effective montage – Bachelorette producers, take note. Our hunky host Darren let’s us know that these 20 contestants are here on the “Greatest adventure of all. Love. And right then, we knew it was on.

So the couples are:

Dawn and Jared
Vanessa and Steele (who is a pro-golfer which instantly makes Drew love this show)
Erica and miles
Samantha and mike
Jessica and skip
Kym and Derek
Heather and ben
Brandy and Adam
Jason and Jessica
Teresa and Peter

For the first adventure, the contestants begin by constructing a raft and sailing down river. Each pair is given a map which with directions on where to head. This instantly begins the fight every couple has had for all eternity. Which way do we go?

Some couples are obviously better than others (and some people just want to talk about how their groin is sore. thanks miles for the TMI) with Samantha and Mike being exponentially better than Dawn and Jared which means  S&M (yup, I’m calling them that) won and SEVEN HOURS later Dawn and Jared finally finished. Host Darren was clearly annoyed that he had to stand out there and wait til nightfall for those losers to finish.

The winning duo head to their fantasy suite at a fancy hotel while the rest of the couples head back to a resort where they binge drink while hot tubbing (and we all know how dangerous that can be). The one take-away here is that we find out who is going to be coo coo for cocoa puffs and who just wants to hook-up as much as possible. Vanessa and Kym are looking to be our crazies while Steele and Derek are just trying to get it where they can. We also find out that not all the contestants have banging bodies (I won’t name names) and that everyone hates Ben.

While the other singles are having the time of their lives, Samantha and Mike sit Indian style on their hotel bed and practice getting to first base (So I’m guessing they won’t be using the hot tub). These two form an “instant connection” and I’m thinking that these two will probably be an established couple the entire season. As for the rest of the crew, they all play musical partners and switch it up.

I didn’t make note of all the new pairs but I do know that Vanessa kept her crazy claws in Steele so they are still a duo. At the end of the day, Dawn and Jared (aka slow and slower) had to pack their bags and head on home.

Darren "The Scruffy CH" McMullen

This recap was pretty piss poor but this was really just an experiment to decide whether this show was worth adding to the blog’s repertoire and I’ve officially decided it is. Unlike The Bachelorette, where I continuously bash my head against the wall out of her stupidity and boring-ness, Love in the Wild left me wanting more. It is full of SE, fake ta-ta’s (or bombs as my brother-in-law calls them), ab-tastic dudes with the potential for juicy hookups, backstabbing and lots and lots of crying. But if you want to read some of the dumb s**t people said on the show last night, check this out. 

Bring. It. On.

Next week, I promise to bring a play-by-play recap that will make you love  this show as much as I do.

Until then… stay tuned!


Filed under Love in the Wild